you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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