garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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