Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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