Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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