But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
