is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
