I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
