There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
