she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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