Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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