Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
