That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
