you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
