i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
