Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize