the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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