I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
