Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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