How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize