Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Alive.
So much puke
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
