You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
