you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
