I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
