The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
