she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
