Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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