I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize