I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
