Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
