Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
