She's JV to your varsity
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
If its not for food we ain't going out.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
