Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
