wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i will never coherently bang her
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize