he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
