OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
