Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
