On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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