they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
