It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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