he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
