i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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