i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
