i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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