she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
