I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
