drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
