ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
