Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
