so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
