he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
The adults are the big ones right?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize