Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
