she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
