I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
