i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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