she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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