Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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