When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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