Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
