My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
This toilet bowl is my home.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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