you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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