If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I wish you could order shots online.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
