I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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