Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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