This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
