My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
