I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize