He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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