She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
