I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize