So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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