I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
