You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
