I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
