You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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