Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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