You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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